So close

Hey fuck you internet just kidding, I can't stay mad at you for countless reasons. Christmas is so close, I can tell because the malls are packed and I'm eating holiday themed cookie dough. But where's the love this year? Not in my house yet to tell the truth, we still don't have lights up and I have the feeling nobody cares this year. There's no mystery about who'll get what gift, it's all been delegated I'm pretty sure they used the same methodology at Auschwitz (didn't mean to go there Jewish friends and happy Hanukkah :) It's just been more like Christmas with the Kranks instead of Christmas Vacation. I just need some christmas spirit and I just drank all the rum and egg nogg. What's a guy to do, so Santa please come fix my christmas, just leave your damn dirty hands off my mother.


Thanks
Kirk

This one is for Ross and Mikey

Yeah, that's right this beautiful blog of excellence is only for two people and not the billions of internet users. I don't do this very often and I don't write about New Moon or UFC, which makes my topics uninteresting to most people. I'm at a TSN turning point in my life where I'm no longer sure if I want to pursue comedy. It doesn't pay very much and I find it hard to live in poverty because of it. Also, I don't really feel that funny anymore and that's a big part of comedy or so I've read on more popular blogs (Thanks Mikey for being my only follower). There was a point last year when I was actually dealing with depression which is depressing looking back on that. It made me feel really unfunny but for some reason I lost a lot of weight because I became obsessed with running on treadmills. There was also a point where someone I used to think was my friend started to give me a rough time over it. I won't name names Ah, I won't go in much further into my character assassination. I was just hurt because of it and it bothers me every time I think about. Let's transition before this gets really unfunny.

I think my goal now is to make a better blog. I'm tired of just writing a once a month entry, it's time to go blog or go home page. If anyone stumbles upon this give me some ideas how to make this blog better but first I'll brainstorm some ideas.

1. Attach links for high quality pornography
2. Post some videos, if that's possible I'll have to check with the google folks
3. Start blogging about the cast of New Moon and sensationalize their worthless lives (That's my perception but you probably feel different)

One last thing and you'll like me over this. Dairy Queen has a Blizzard Fan Club and when you join you get a buy one get on blizzard coupon and it gets better because you'll get a free blizzard on your birthday. So suck on that with a spoon full of tasty ice cream goodness.

Bye

This Ain't making me no money

I just remembered that I got an adsense account when I started this blog. I never self consciously thought that this wouldn't be very popular, but I haven't made any money. It doesn't matter to me but I was looking forward to getting a 23 cent check from google. I haven't blogged recently anyway so maybe just maybe if I blog more frequently then maybe I'll turn things around. Google is such a great thing anyways, you can blog for free, use their search engine, maps and email.

Where was I going with this today? I totally forgot what I was going to say. Ok, wait something else has reached into my supple head. I just got a new monitor for my computer and it's great, it's 27inches and it makes me not like a real man but somewhere close to it. (I like to consider myself mostly boyish with a 5 0 clock ginger shadow) Anyways back with the monitor or maybe I was done with that. I guess there really isn't much to say about it really but it's nice, bright and in high def. Ok, maybe I need to reach further into my pumpkin patch.

What to blog what to blog. I'm working at future shop for the time being and my problem is that I feel that I'm not funny enough around the people I work with. The only funny that I'm getting is that I'm one awkward guy. I think that awkward is an overused word because people are afraid to call others socially inadequate. I'm mainly worried about it because of my interest in performing comedy. I just feel like I'm caught in a place where I'm not funny and people are all like, "You're a comedian you should be funny". That really isn't fair though, comedy is a weird thing because it's hard to be funny all the time but people expect the opposite. My problem might also be that I'm not currently doing stand-up or sketch comedy and doing that stuff is like having a muscle the more you train it the bigger and better it gets. I don't really know where I'm going with that. Woo I'm typing in italics now. Look at me ma, you said I'd never change. So I guess because I'm not exercising my funny it's a lot harder to do it. Otherwise I'll take the advice of an old friend and realize I'm not funny and I'll drop it all together. I went on stage once and I told people that I was quitting comedy and that I'd start a blog. So I guess everything works out. Hmm but I did mutate my views because I went from just wanting to get people to laugh to basking in the laughs and I grew an ego around that. I'm going to give it one more shot I think, but I'm going to start small and make people at future shop laugh then I'll hit the stages of small bars everywhere possible and hit them with power of my well defined comedy muscle and hopefully I'll leave after tickling their funny bones.

I almost feel touched by my own words, shit that's the ego talking again.

Goodnight internet and sweet dreams of kitty's flushing toilets and of Tiger Woods' facial deformities, goodnight

Ok, I got a little freaked out today because I thought blogging was care free and no worries but I came across this article today. http://powazek.com/posts/2090

Anyways, I'm becoming a gym rat lately, which goes against everything I once stood up for or actually didn't stand up but rather sat down on a couch and have a remote in one hand and pop tarts in the other. Memories. I need a job that's the only reason I've gotten into this habit which is good but daddy gots to be fat for most of my stand-up jokes to work. I'm not even doing much stand-up lately anyways. I think that my ADD is getting worse because I can't keep my focus going for very long. I think that it's the internet and it's fueling this. There just seems to be so much on the web and most of it doesn't take to much time to absorb. I just seem to jump back and forth to things, like going on facebook, then twitter, then hotmail and it just goes in a huge circle. I think that I need to get away from the internet just take a little holiday to readjust my noggin. Blah Blah you get the idea, great way to end this.

Good Bye

WHAM BAM

Hello Internet, How have you been? It doesn't really matter right? Ok, I'm just writing this because I'm trying to stay busy while my porn in downloading. I don't know why else I'm doing this, I'm just learning to multi-task because I'm also watching the Jay Leno show. It's just like the Tonight Show so it's sometimes humorous (american spelling even though I'm Canadian) I wonder how many man hours we Canadians lose compared to Americans based solely by adding more U's. I'm sure someone will come up with a bullshit answer to that. I don't have too much more on my mind grapes except thinking what I might be ordering at McDonalds if I wasn't trying to rid myself of that garbage but it's hot smelly tasty garbage. David Letterman you suck, I don't really mean that but I don't ever watch your show. Alright, I'm done but I think my porn isn't done yet but I guess I can spend more time turning off my brain and sit like a slug while I'm watching TV. Also, I was thinking about getting a Big Mac combo, but I will substitute that for a wheat grass lemon green tea. I'm such a stupid hippie or so my dad calls me when he talks down to me on our weekly calls. Hey I'm all good, I also started taking Omega three and I'm pretty proud of myself.

Bye

Let's get this party over with so I don't have to listen to Pink anymore

Hello Internet, How's it going? How have you been? I think this is the first time that I've actually blogged in consecutive days. So what's on my mind grapes right now. I've been watching a lot of TV in the last few days and probably won't change until I'm employed. TV in general is pretty shitty and there isn't much reason to watch it unless it's a prime time show or sports perhaps. I've recently stumbled into the area of watching tv at pretty much any time of the day. If you are Canadian like myself stations like TV Tropolis make that possible. If you have ADD like me it's a great station because it replays hit shows like Seinfeld and Family Guy throughout the day. My problem is that I become too brainwashed and fail to notice that they replay the same episodes constantly. I also watch Trailer Park Boys at least once or twice a day and I catch the re-runs of Conan and Jimmy Fallon. I need some escape maybe a vacation? Wait, I just bought Wii Sports Resort so no need for that. I've enjoyed it so far and the sword fighting is pretty awesome, overall it's a great game and I highly recommend it.

Ok, let's take a breather. I've been typing like a mad man and it's really humid in my hizzle. That's right I said hizzle.

New topic (just prepare for more written diarrhea) I'm really excited because this week I'm going to my cousins wedding in North Bay and I'm not excited about the North Bay part. I've been known to cut a really good rug when I go to weddings. For some reason it just comes out of me and I'm a slave to the dance floor. My best guess is that I don't dance in bars and clubs because I'm too self conscious but I really want to but my dignity is holding back. I figure with weddings you are there because of friends or family and you're not as embarrassed to dance around them. My last wedding was pretty amazing and I really hit my stride during Billy Jean. I hadn't danced to that song since I was at least 8 years old but somehow it was just like riding a bike. I just have the feeling that I will own that dance floor. The only thing that won't be good about the wedding is that I don't drink anymore and I find it hard to get along with drunk people especially drunk family members, that's when shit happens.

Bye

Here's one for the feadbag of internet mishaps. I don't even know what I mean by that, maybe someone can interpret that for me. I'm kind of a comedian but at this point that career is on hold but hopefully not for long (I don't want to get into it but mental health issues were at play).
I'm trying to read books right now to help me change my outlook on the world. Two that I've read which I highly recommend are Freakonomics and The Outliers. Great reads if your into that otherwise you're like most people and you don't read, you can always keep your fingers crossed for straight to dvd movie (the secret did it) I can remember my mom reading me Cloudy with a Change of Meatballs like it was yesterday, wait it was yesterday. She was just trying to get me up to speed before I saw the movie (I'm just joking about that). It's a movie that I don't really want to see but it might actually be good, I still haven't jumped onto the 3D movie bandwagon yet. Well to go onto a totally different topic, I'm a little bit sad that I ran out of chocolate syrup now my milk will be boring. It was kind of funny when I reached the final bit because like other squeeze containers it made a fart sound and that doubled with the brown of the chocolate made me giggle. I think that it was a great way to go out. Hershey squirts mother fuckers!!! Actually it wasn't Hershey it was Nestle but it's the same deal. I'm just realizing right now that Hershey chocolate syrup in shaped like a cow, while the Nestle goes with the bunny. The brown cow makes sense but what do bunnies have to do with it? Nothing, I think well no ones tried to get milk from rabbits yet but the future is weird and wonderful thing. Peace

Corrections

I'm going to start off and say, "I'm sorry for my bad grammar!" I just re-read my last post and I seem to have the writing skills of one of em' persons from one of em' loser countries. I don't even know what that was all about. I'm feeling very foolish right now. I almost wasted 8 weeks learning how to get a job. I think that I can tutor myself in at least 6 weeks. It is important to be employable in this economic landscape. I spent two days at this so called "training" and all I came away with was a collage of things I like doing. It was a mash-up of cars, babes and sports. I didn't realize that I was so manly and lame at the exact same time. Inside I was like, come on! This is stupid, but I think that I'll give myself kudos for the first time after quitting something..

Ok, so guess what portal of the abyss. I finally got some followers on twitter, Hurray for me! It's weird that I have all these friends on FB but I don't know anyone on twitter. I did however choose Shaq as my first follower. He just seems to post up random jibberish that doesn't make sense to me. This just reinforces that this is the real Shaq.

I'm not sure if this blog gets read by many people because I haven't posted many entries. So, I'd like to tell people that I'm a aspiring comedian and I recently posted up a fan page on facebook. If you want to look up Kirk Hicks and you should find me. Here's a link to my demo video on youtube if you'd like some funnies to watch. Cool. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Sx-qQcerBM

I'm afraid that I don't have much else to talk about right now. I promise that I will revise this entry to make for a better reading experience, unlike last time.

Goodbye

Happy?

I'm just popping in today because I've been wallowing in my own crapulence. (Thanks Simpsons).
I smelled gasoline after a thunderstorm and I don't know how to feel right now. I'm just feeling alone thanks to the internet. I started a Twitter account but I don't have any followers yet and the only people I follow are Shaq and Steven Colbert. I'm just wondering when that will pick up because common there can't only be tweens updating every pointless moment of their existence on there. Where are my people? 2o somethings who are trying to stay current. Don't get me started on this blog, this might only be my second entry but common where's the love. I just need to learn the real secret of internet networking. Attach my blog to my facebook, my twitter to my blog etc. That might be too complicated for someone bought their name as a domain name but can't figure out how to publish the web site (stupid mac software). I don't know how I did it but I'm very computer illiterate. I know my way around better then some obviously. But my grandma know how to use a scanner which I don't even know how to. I'm sure it's easy but I've never owned one of those crazy all in one printer deals.

Has anyone see the new Star Trek movie: Live Long and Lobster.
that's just a little joke but it could be a good movie. Star Trek has ventured all accross the universe but never in the depths of the ocean, which is apparantly vast and unexplored. Think about that, the 3 people who read this blog.

I'm actually happy because I get to have a Chinese Buffet for dinner but I have to sit through a musical about the 70's that doens't make any reference to Led Zeppelin or Pink Floyd. What a joke. If it was laser Pink Floyd and a buffet I'd be in Nirvana. Well I guess it worth sitting through this show even with a ton of 70's references that will go over my head 23 year old head. It would nice if there were lasers or just laser, that would be a fair compromise.

OK

Why Canada Why?

Why doesn't Canada (my home country :) so proud!) a multicultural nation have a high ranking politician who's a minority. Is it because Canada is culturally diverse in only big cities? Well we've got our Governor General but does that position even matter any more?